At Sheringham situated on the North Norfolk Coast in England UK - Our community newspaper online
@ Sheringham Community Paper Issue No 15 - Friday 30th May 2003 - Choose another issue
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Sheringham Community Paper Abundant greetings to one and all, may the merriest of spring tidings be bestowed upon you all. Now then I've been (or "a bin" if you come from these here parts) out and about again this last fortnight. (Yes they do actually give me free release from time to time.
Mr J Archer sends his kindest), just so I can keep a close eye on what's going on, in an attempt to discover what exactly was happening in and around our little North Eastern den of quaintness.  In fact almost as close an eye on things as Major Ingram's insurance company! It is so quaint in fact that someone actually remembers the date they first changed the clocks! Quite how you actually "save" daylight by bill or otherwise frankly eludes me. As for legislation, rationalised or otherwise in 1925, it is even more out of date than I'd thought, even more of a reason to dump the idea and leave them (the clocks) alone. Who actually cares if we end up having a different time zone to the rest of Europe? We have one of them for most of it now. Keep our time, like our currency, our own I say, and what's more I won't then have to call in a quantum physicist twice a year to change the clock on my video recorder!

Now then who was it that wrote "If you can keep your head when all around are losing theirs"? No it wasn't the carnival adjudicators on carnival queen selection night after I threatened to bare my legs. Nor was it a lone "sober driver" left standing at the bar. No it was our very own Mr Kipling, the poet not the cakes man! Perhaps in Sheringham at least we may find that losing one's head to the addles of drink may soon be a thing of the past, well in a public open designated space at least. God knows what I'd do if my swift potting shed 1/5th gill of Harvey's became an illegal pastime! Yes it appears that from now on, toleration of loutish drunken lamppost climbing antics will be banned from our streets, no more loud noise or marauding about in public causing obstructions or nuisance to other road users. All this is due to a new unique police directive piloted here in Sheringham. This is great me thinks. Uninterrupted late night satellite viewing at last! As long as you live within one of these "zones", however it is encouraging to see justice and common sense prevailing. It may now mean that with all the "special" patrols up and down the High Street and along the Prom, that all those hardened "party animals" may be persuaded to "get on down" elsewhere. Feeling they might have to alight the High Street in favour of less auspicious haunts such as the Pretty Corner Woods for example. Now I know I might sound a little pious about this, but just think, if people are hell bent on taking their campaign of bingeing on WKD and Fosters mixed and washed down with a little Red Bull respectively, and latterly laying down a deposit of overindulgence on the pavement, then it must be better to do that out of the town than in. Not a bad idea really, at least the niff of vomit would pale into insignificance from the overwhelming whiff in the air of the ever-increasing parcels of doo that already ingratiate the entire area. The only problem is getting there. They could go by taxi, but I doubt if they'd have enough money left over from their "Off licence Crawl" to pay the fare, now that they've all gone up! A full 30p rise and extra if you've got baggage. So forget about taking the other half with you. This rise so I'm told, was imposed on the taxi firms by a Local Council Authority not that far away!

So to get back to my subject, brilliant an idea as it is, the only flaw I can see looking at it objectively is, that the signs they have erected to inform us whether we're in a "Zone" or not are so minuscule. Just imagine if you will, Mr Twelve Pinter has enough trouble just trying to stand, let alone having to read and inwardly digest the whys and wherefores of areas of the law. Try as he might to find his microscope about his person, to read the sign might be problematic enough, let alone being able to enact upon these instructions/warnings would be another matter.

Still I suppose spotting the prospective lout on a night out would become easy, he/she would be the one carrying a
magnifying glass and a cheque book (for the taxi) in their top pockets, along with large carrier bags laden with booze - filled thermos flasks labelled TEA in large print, just in case the bottles of hooch were confiscated.

So with all that trouble safely taken care of now, all they have left to tackle is the lethargic troglodyte little darlings that congregate in number across the road at the Amusement/Yesu junction at the North end of our High Street most weekends and evenings. Most however, I must say only drunk on the exuberance of youthfulness, and the ideology of infallibility. All oozing insurmountable confidence at the notion that any/ every motorist motoring down that end of the street, has indeed all the time in the world, and will in-fact, wait around for most of the night for them to move slothfully out of the way. With reverent patience and dignity they think the motorist will turn a reddened bashful cheek at the inert yet deliberate expletive finger gesture, accompanied sometimes by a verbal ensemble as the driver carefully meanders and negotiates a safe passage through the massed crowd. I'm afraid some of our resident race drivers may not be quite as reasonable and as understanding. When travelling at speed impressing the local talent, some folks mind's may be else where and not on what in the road in front of them. With this blatant "untouchable attitude" to the fore, many, I fear, may not actually make it to their 14th birthdays in one piece. An observation now perhaps, but to those responsible for our up and coming generations, please note I'm sure that this could be an accident waiting to happen. Tally ho for now. Yours truly Vic.
Sheringham Community Paper

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Sheringham Community Paper
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