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@ Sheringham Community Paper Issue No 35 - Friday 16th April 2004 - Choose another issue
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Sheringham Community Paper As you drive towards Holt from Weybourne in the direction of the Emcy garden centre, you will find staked to the verge a beautifully hand crafted notice for the attention of the road user. It states as follows: "Please go slowly round the bend"! Of course this particular text reference favours a cautionary road safety note and is not an instruction to ones forth-coming general mental heath.
But never the less remains a somewhat ambiguous command. I couldn't help but smile to myself on reading this, as the sentiments would fit in beautifully with this month's commentary. It seems by all accounts that several folk in Sheringham had already taken heed and went totally bonkers.

I have on good authority that in the early hours betwixt a Saturday and a Sunday, the charming imp-like road painting elves gave Sheringham a visit. In due course they managed to fashion on the road, outside the Lobster pub, in emulsion I might add, a fabulous hand daubed roundabout. Oh what amusement they must have given all those unsuspecting drivers as they (the driving public) realised that what everyone does already had been turned (albeit by illegitimate means) into a roundabout. However the down side to this little caper was that, so I'm told, the local constabulary were informed by the CCTV. Onlookers were duly arrested or something, and asked not to do that sort of thing. After all, it would give the council a bad name as nobody works after 5pm. They ought to know that. If we did but know, that idea had probably already been included in Sheringham's regeneration scheme next year and they didn't want to spoil the surprise! Great stuff lads! But you could have waited until April fools day to do it! Still if we gave you a pot of yellow, who knows what lines you might have come up with? Never mind no one takes any notice of the ones that are already there so I don't suppose a few more would make any difference.

Now then, moving on and speaking of not making any difference. No I'm not talking about the war on terrorism, I'm talking about the endless warnings of little boy dragsters, racing the length and breath of our High Street and the fact that some folks were involved in a recent hit and run incident (allegedly). I suppose it was only a matter of time when this sort of thing would come to pass. Many others and I have been warning of such things for some time. Not wishing to apportion blame as to the alleged incident. But is it surprising when the reckless standard of some drivers combines with the invincible untouchable attitude of some pedestrians prove to be a disastrous cocktail. I once saw in the back of an old estate car a sticker that read: Keep death of the roads- Drive on the pavements! I can't help thinking that in this case the lad who was knocked down in the road might have wished the driver had heeded the same sentiments.

Well they say there's no smoke without fire and in Ireland at least, there's none altogether! As last month saw the total ban of smoking in public bars etc. quite how they're going to police that one I don't know? The sheer manpower alone would be a massive burden on police resources. Still they could always ask to borrow some of ours. Yes we the citizens of Sheringham, on a Friday night, have enough Bobbies to start our own private army. It isn't any wonder therefore, that in fact the Norfolk Police burden to tax payers commanded a 13.7% increase of the share this year. And why are they there? Well that's a good question. Mainly it must be in response to public demands for a larger police presence to control the ever-increasing population of hang-a-rounders at night. These exuberant, mainly young individuals who legally have nowhere to go after ten at night need to hang out somewhere. I can't say the youth of yesteryear didn't warn of this scenario when, you the good Samaritans of Sunny Sheringham, demanded the closure of the Highwayman Club! YOU'VE ONLY YOURSELVES TO BLAME!
So what are the alternatives? Well there's now the empty Robin Hood pub. Why not commandeer that for the young ravers who like to stay up a bit later than the news! Oh you don't need to worry about the serving of anything alcoholic, as that place hasn't had anything to speak of for the last three months! Now I know some of you might be a trifle bit worried at the prospect of having a venue of this nature in the town centre. But I did read somewhere that statistically it is a documented fact that most cases of drunken crime and criminality are perpetrated at just before and after chucking out time. So I suppose in that vein of thinking, You could say I have the solution. Which is, very simple (like me) and in two parts, (unlike me although there have been rumours) One: Open All night, and Two, Lock them in until they all fall asleep in a drunken stupor! I mean there's physically only so many Vodka Redbulls one can drink in a session before you permanently keel over for the night. Of course, realistically, keeping all the charming little cherubs in one place under the one roof surely would make policing easier. Instead of, as now, having to spend most of the night playing a game cat and mouse chasing them up and down Beach Road along the prom and up and over the Cliff Road car park. Oh well I haven't as yet lost any sleep over it. Not like our recent change in the clocks to British Summer time. Still it's no more than we should expect from an administration that taxes everything else why not sleep?

If that were the case the House of Lords and the Commons on late night debates would be raking it in. They've had extra out of us on fuel, fags, cars, sweets, shoes, chocolate and salted peanuts "but to take away me hour", that just takes the biscuit! Well 17.5% of it anyway. It's all nearly as maddening as the surgeon who was suspended for claiming his rightful serving of croutons. Poor love, why didn't someone have a quick whip round instead of making an (it's more than my jobs worth) fuss? Well I guess that if he was a brain surgeon he'll get his own back someday. But it seems in light of recent events here in town he just might have done already!

That's all we have time for this month folks. I'd love to rabbit on but I'm trying to finish the bunker before that Russian boat gets to port. See you later; take care now, Vic.
1904 2004
Sheringham Community Paper
Don't Forget St George's Day - 23 April
Published by At Sheringham, c/o Norfolka2z,. 14, Waterbank House, Station Approach, Sheringham, Norfolk. NR26 8RA
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